Your Least Favourite Film

Posted March 7, 2011 by AntBuoy
Categories: Film reviews

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Day 2 of the film challenge. And it is time to Flame on! No my least favourite film is not the Fantastic Four (although it gives the title a damn good try). My least favourite film is Harry Potter and the God Awful Acting.

Some may say this is a soft target, and it is. Poor dialogue, no suspense, stock characters. You have heard all this criticism before. The films are just not any good.

Don’t get me wrong, I like fantasy. I like the idea of Hogwarts. I like wizards fighting dragons. But do it right. I always knew Harry was going to be ok because he had to make it through 7 books (and 8 films). Hermaphrodite and Ron had to be ok because it was a children’s film. That left us with shoe horning in character’s just so they would die or killing Dumbledoor and he wasn’t even very good at staying dead.

A lot of this criticism could be thrown back at the Lord of the Rings, and rightly so. It has parts where it is down right hammy or the dialogue sucks or you are just willing Frodo to hurry up and get there.  But it always felt epic and important. And they steered away from having too much unresolved sexual tension.

The biggest thing that separates Lord of the Rings from Harry Potter is Harry Potter. He is an immensely irritating character. Played by an immensely irritating, and short, actor. I was going to put a picture of him here but I just dislike him so much I’m going to put an expanse of nothingness as it is a marked improvement on his visage.

Despite it all Potter has some good points, it is a great way for British actors to earn mega bucks. Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, John Hurt, Gary Oldman, Maggie Smith. Too many to count. All the more reason to hate Harry Potter, how can you take that much awesome, rub it with pixie dust, and still end up with a story about a whingy turd?

All those delicious goodies and the films focuses on the goody two-shoes. I really dislike Haemorrhage. Go away, no one likes you! And if you fancy her, you are sick. She is bleedin’ seven years old for Christ’s sake.

Rant over. I am sure I have pissed a lot of people off with this view but I don’t care. Blame the 30 day challenge. Daniel Radcliffe must be stopped. Go read the books, then you are only giving one idiot a big wad of cash.



30 Day Film Challenge

Posted March 6, 2011 by AntBuoy
Categories: Film reviews

Tags: , , , , ,

Hello boys and girls,

Something special for you. A micro blog update every day for 30 days. Each day a new film reviewed and the story that goes with it. That is what I really love about films, not the stories that happen in them but the stories that happen around them. For me they are like photos of what you were doing with your life at the moment you saw them.

Give your comments, what would your film choice be for the daily topic? To hit it off I give you Day 1 – Your Favourite Film. My changes between a select few but today it had to be Fight Club.

Soap hasn't been this cool since Florence Nightingale

Coming out in 1999 this film still gets me with its wealth of ideas, fantastic pacing, excellent performances and a visual style that Fincher crafts out of shadows.

This is a very popular choice for men’s favourite film and for good reason. It whispers to some of our inner most desires. Looking at the need to fight, the feeling of inadequacy and ultimately the frustration with our day to day lives. The film visualise the aching anger in your chest that you couldn’t begin to describe.

The story is well known now. Ed Norton plays ‘Jack’. His character is never given a name, also seen in the excellent Withnail & I and not-quite-as-good-but-still-thoroughly-enjoyable Layer Cake. Brad Pitt plays Tyler Durden. The two men meet by happenstance and their lives keep getting drawn into each other’s in spite of the toll it takes on both of them.

The film spends a lot of time looking at big philosophical ideas. I didn’t care much when I was 15 and it was on tv. I ran out to get it on dvd that weekend. I felt I had become a part of project mayhem buying this 18 whilst massively underage. The guy who sold it to be didn’t care and was happy to be a part of our secret, and minute, anarchy.

And that is why this is my favourite film. It plays on our need to escape, to find something bigger than our relentless march into monotony. It is understood by your peers and offers you acceptance. I’d love to know what the equivalent is for women. Fight Club reminds you what a man can be and a glimpse at why he is controlled.


Jackass 3D – Boldly going where no idiot has gone before

Posted November 26, 2010 by AntBuoy
Categories: Film reviews

I’m Johnny Knoxville, welcome to Jackass.

Jackass 3D is hilarious. That is all you really need to know. And by that I mean it is the most important thing you need to know but should keep reading to find out the details. Details are fun.

So, I saw the film at the cinema in Morecambe. How best to describe Morecambe? A more run down Blackpool. A less great Great Yarmouth. A seaside town that doesn’t even dream of being Brighton because its sub-conscious is that much of a loser.

The cinema was tiny. On;y 8 seats side and a dozen rows deep. This isn’t a problem, viva the indie cinemas. However it wasn’t an independent cinema. It was a wannabe multiplex, with the neon to match. It reminded me of Luton in many ways.

The tickets cost an eye watering £9.30. Ouch. The cinema is no longer a cheap night out by any definition. No one bought any confection from the concession stand.

As I was saying, the film is gut wrenchingly funny. The film is also massively disgusting. Fecal matter, vomit, and every other bodily fluid imaginable is on display in this film. In eye-popping 3D. Eye popping 3D is such a naff phrase, it would be better suited to a review of the new Saw film.

I had to watch certain moments of the film through my fingers. The Lamborghini dentist (much faster than a slammed door), the sweat cocktail (exactly what it sounds like), and the extreme sh*t cocktail were genuinely horrible.

But even when you feel sick you are laughing. Sometimes laughing to stop yourself being sick. I haven’t laughed so much in a jolly long time.

Some of the sketches reminded me of the great silent film stars like Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. The sheer skill on display in death-defying stunts is remarkable. Look I’m literally remarking on them now.

Clip time!

Wasn’t that fun?

Like the greatest clowns there this film is tinged with a macabre feeling. Johnny Knoxville looks tired for a lot of it.The life of an extreme hedonist must be exhausting. He is genuinely having fun but when it goes wrong it goes serious wrong.
In the Invisible Man sketch, Knoxville is in a compound with an enraged bull. Needless to say the bull does its thing and Knoxville is thrown into the air. When he lands the bull stamps down on his head and neck. He is understandably shaken and carries a ‘what am I doing?’ look for a lot of the film.
The Snake Pit is another example of a prank to far. Throwing live snakes on an ophidiophobic is pretty cruel. Whilst the other stunts were entered into voluntarily, and they were able to stop them when it became too much, this one was forced upon him. It crossed the line.
For the most part this is a film about fraternal bonds. A group of friends having a great time. As guys often do they take the joke too far, but their guilty faces and good intentions keep you on their side.
I could be reading far too much into this film but it was an interesting study of male friendship and a tickling of an ancient funny bone. The film floats like a fresh steaming log on a tidal wave. And hey, at least they won’t be arrested for being Communists.

Trailer Watch

Posted November 21, 2010 by AntBuoy
Categories: Film reviews

I’m late to the party. Everyone has already chipped in their two cents about Ole Lantern Head. But why not. If you haven’t already, or want to freshen up, click below.

Ryan Reynolds. Good guy. Liked him since he worked in a pizza place with his mate and a girl. Deadpool was lame but he didn’t ask for freakin’ lazer beams to come out of his eyes. And he was in Blade Trinity. This guy has notched up a lot of comic real estate.

Still, he seems a bit comedy heavy in the trailer. A lot of jokes made about his clothes. Is this going to be more the Proposal than the Nines?

Doesn’t feel like Hal Jordan to me. I don’t have a lot to go on, I’m a noob in the land of Light. Had a quick nosey at Blackest Night recently and thought it was quite cool. I mostly know Hal from the direct-to-dvd voiced by fellow Pizza placer, Nathan Fillion. This seems very different.

Its also not Jon Stewart, and that’s a shame. The Green Lantern is a title, not just one guy. Its a whole police force that patrols the universe. Earth has had a few protectors. Jon made a big impact on me from watching the excellent Justice League cartoon. Here is a clip of Jon kicking arse.

The most important thing is the trailer didn’t really excite me. Somehow it lacked the cool factor. You can remember watching the trailer for Iron Man and the Dark Knight for the first time. They were events in themselves. Green Lantern sort of fell onto the stage. The graphics weren’t quite done and it looks meh.

The worst part has to be the corny, even for comic book movies, dialogue and the guy with the head. Seriously. The f**k?

Next topic.

Your Highness also launched their trailer this week. Like Lantern it has a cool cast. Zooey Deschanel is always a good thing to have in a movie.

James Franco, like Reynolds, has been in three comic book movies. His grossed billions. That has to make to you smile, lucky bastard. (Spider-man if you didn’t get that). Now Spider-man 3 wasn’t all his fault, like Reynolds, but he didn’t help.

The other guy in this trailer is very familiar. He looks like a guy my mum once dated. Seeing him collapse down the stairs made my evil heart smile.

The film looks terrible and awesome. Its either going to be the worst thing since Epic Movie or the new Princess Bride. Say what? Big gauntlet, and I’m throwing it down. What you gonna do about it?

The important thing to remember boys and girls is this: watch this film when you are a little bit drunk. Not completely gone but a little bit merry will help move things along. I call this the Snakes on a Plane factor. The closer a film is to the great concept/big disappointment point the more drunk you need to be.

So long chaps. No real movie reviews because there is nothing I want to see at the cinema at the minute. Nothing. At all.

I do want to see who would win in a fight: James Bond or Indiana Jones.

New stuff

Posted September 5, 2010 by AntBuoy
Categories: News

Tags: , ,

What’s shaking kids? Miss me?

I’m back. Got lots of blogs coming for you. Covering shows I saw at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this summer and a lot of movies. Comic book geekiness and video games will also get a look in.

Been a busy beaver lately, worked on five big theatre projects since July and have neglected my poor blog.

No more!

Next year I plan to get a reviewer pass for the Fringe, and you dear reader are going to help me get it.

So buckle up, AntBuoy is back.

The Dark Knight Returns (Batman 3)

Posted February 16, 2010 by AntBuoy
Categories: Film reviews

Tags: , , , ,

There has been a topic causing me great anxiety for some time. What if Christopher Nolan doesn’t make a third Batman film?

The man/director-who-can-do-no-wrong would be perfectly within his rights to not make a third film. His refreshing take on the films he makes, doing them to the best of his ability without saving for a sequel, could mean he didn’t have an idea left he wanted to do.

This is the polar opposite of JJ Abrams. Dick. He filmed Klingons for his Star Trek movie then edited them out. He knew, to the reasonable level any human can, what would happen in Lost but knew he could get away with stringing it out for 7 seasons. He is the king of filler. New government guidelines recommend you using him to insulate your house.

The other reason Nolan may want out is the shadow of death. You all know about Ledger, I dearly miss him, but there was also the stuntman Conway Wickliffe was unfortunately killed whilst filming a car chase. A more superstitious person would be tempted to leave the project at this.

But Christopher Nolan is no quitter! Rumours abound of upcoming plot details, bullet time:

  • The Riddler is the main villain
  • The action takes place in Arkham Asylum
  • Guest appearances from the rogues gallery by The Penguin and Mr Freeze
  • Barbara Gordon has a bigger role
  • Dick Grayson is in but not as Robin

This is all shamelessly stolen from IGN. Full credit to them.

I feel a great weight has been lifted from me now that I know Batman 3 is going ahead. Lets hope it breaks the curse of the rubbish three-quel.


PS If you love the Batman, check out Project Rooftop and their article about a new costume for Dick Grayson.

Princess and the Revolt

Posted February 13, 2010 by AntBuoy
Categories: Film reviews

Tags: , , , ,

Howdy folks. How you all doing? Its 2010, if you hadn’t noticed yet. It looks like its going to be a good year for movies, well better than last years. Really looking forward to: Inception, Kick-Ass and Toy Story 3. Check out the latest Toy Story trailer here

Any who. I’ve been to see some movies lately. Since you are such a clever bunch I bet you can guess which ones from the title of this post. Got it yet? Good. Then read on.

Youth In Revolt. Indie comedy staring Michael Cera. Now that could be any Michael Cera film, I’ll narrow it down. Its the one that is out in cinemas now and has Cera trying something a little new.

Sure he still plays the socially awkward dweeb who constantly talks into his own shows but now he has developed a persona to win the affections of an equally maladjusted young lady. Enter Françoise.

Françoise is really the star of Youth in Revolt. He has some great dialogue which made me uncomfortable to be watching this movie with my sister. He is a rude mother flipper. He also blows up stuff, always a plus.

Our hero is after Sheenie, a cute girl who lives with her Christian fanatic parents and drug peddling brother. She wants a little danger in her life. Did I mention she is called Sheenie? I have a good friend called Sheenie and I got excited every time her name was mentioned. Got to appreciate the little things.

About that. They tell you to appreciate the little things and then in the same breath utter “simple things…” under their breath. Its quite a complicated breathing regime, alright? Only “simple minds” can rattle off clichés as sage wisdom. Douche bags.

So I saw the film in old faithful Luton. Security has got slack. Managed to smuggle in three bags of quasi-nutritious candy. Peanut M&Ms, Maltesers and Minstrels. A mighty menage a trois of magnificently moreish morsels. Mmmm.

I ate so much candy that my stomach hurt before the trailers even started. Had to take the sweets away from then on. Luckily I had a super refreshing beverage on hand. An experimental mix of Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite and Fanta. I will continue to test varying ratios of each to find the world’s best soft drink.

Dr Pepper holds the title at present.

Youth In Revolt was more like Juno than Superbad (as it was claimed in the promotional material). The film was full of witty ‘movie’ dialogue which is too slick to be found in real life. That just makes it more fun.

My advice is to rent this movie on dvd, laugh a bit and have plenty of candy on hand to get your sugar rush on. Its keeping its head above water.


Kirby boxing can only mean one thing, bonus second review!
Youth in the frog

Doesn’t that just make you feel dirty?

Princess and the Frog requires no candy. It is a celluloid sugar rush. Every frame is smothered in the stuff. Its a new and improved recipe, dredged up from the 1990s. It is still delicious and now less likely to lead to unrealistic ambitions about life and racism.

It still have people getting married after knowing each other for 24 hours. Somethings never change.

Prince Naveen is a funny character. I don’t think Disney have had such an interesting Prince character since Aladdin. Shadow Man is a scary villain, with a groovy dance number. Tiana is as pure as the sun glistening on virgin snow in a West Virginian Amish town.

When I went to see the movie I was the only adult there without a child. My good friend Jo keeps insisting she is six but her birth certificate keeps telling me otherwise. There were two immaculately dressed Chinese men there without children but they didn’t look happy. I theorised they were animation students doing research on what Disney had up their sleevse.

The songs in P+F are cute but not life changing. They don’t have quite the same hook as Menkin’s did back in the Disney revival days of Hercules, Lion King and Aladdin.

Disney has moved into the 21st century. And the recession. You must now work for your dreams to come true. Wishing doesn’t cut it any more. Princess and the Frog is sitting on a lily pad covered in mucus.

Good to be back.